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Whatever next?!

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Following the huge global success of the Min-ETune and G-Force electronic tuning systems, Gibson are to release a range of Baldwin self-tuning pianos with servo-driven tuning pegs for every string. A built-in computer scans the outputs of piezo sensors under each string and controls servo motors to adjust the string tension.

"This is the future for the pianoforte", said Henry Jusgetonwiddit as he nudged a baby grand off the top of Nashville's tallest multi-storey carpark in front of an invited audience of reporters and musicians. "Now pianists can keep their instrument in perfect tune without the need to call in a costly piano tuner every time it goes out of tune. They can even switch to their favourite tuning within minutes at the push of a button!", he continued, " And the additional cost of these models will repay owners in savings within ten years."

We asked Mike Hunt of the American Society of Piano Tuners for comment. "Ah fuck!", he said, "That's me out of a job." Sorry Mike, but that's progress - a sentiment affirmed by famous composer and pianist Claude Debussy. "C'est une bonne idée," he said, "il va rendre la vie beaucoup plus facile. C'est l'avenir!"

Thanks Claude!